In March 2019, the profile of the typical unfaithful woman was shared by a specialized dating site: 37 years on average, senior director, city dweller, married for more than five years and mother of two children. Various surveys also tend to show that more and more women are turning to infidelity (they were 31% to declare having been unfaithful already in 2014, they were 33% in 2016). Who are these women? What are their motives? How do they organize their lives? These will be the questions we wanted to ask some of them.
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Ambre has been married for 10 years when she thinks of infidelity: “We both slept in our routine. Met almost no one in the evening and in the morning, no longer loved, no longer knew what I was thinking our story might be over when I had the idea of having an affair to confirm my feeling.If it was crazy with a stranger and I still had butterflies in my stomach, I would know that the problem was with him or with us, but not with me .
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Organizing his deception turns out to be pretty easy: “With apps now, you can find a willing partner in minutes. I also know I’m lucky to live in a big city, it’s just as convenient for meetings as for anonymity. And since I did not see my husband too much on a daily basis, I just texted him during the day to tell him that I should have a drink with colleagues and that I would be back late. He acknowledged my message, but did not comment. I do not think if he had complained, I would not have done it. But I’m glad I took the plunge because it was necessary for me at that point in my life and our history. I did just to find out if I still loved my husband. “
“Sexy was simple, no fuss”
Amber finds a young man at the hotel: “I had previously been aware that I did not want to know his real first name or that he knew mine. That I would not discuss too much and that I would not stay overnight. I had arrived in already in the room and he knocked on the door. He was exactly as I had imagined. He was even a little more stressed than me and that I thought was sweet. The sex was simple, no trouble, no disappointment, but also no big increase in the pleasure.I think he liked it more than me.When it was over I went in the shower and I’m gone.I walked around for almost an hour while my hair dried and the pressure went down.And then I went home.”
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No more room for doubt
After his infidelity episode, Ambre no longer doubts: “I realized it was with my husband I wanted to be. But not under the conditions we lived under. So for two weeks I prepared a good conversation in my head. I would arrive in front of him with a project, concrete suggestions.When I felt I was ready, I made a good dinner and asked him to be home in class.And then I emptied my bag.I explained to him that I was no longer happy him, not in my life either, and that I needed things to change.I asked him if we could go on long vacations together and find an activity to do together once or twice a week.He was surprised , but also touched that I, above all, seek to save us. “
Ambre never told the man she shares her life with how she built her reflection: “I think it would have made her suffer for nothing and it would have disturbed the real message, which for me is much more important : I want us to be happy together. I talked about it with a very close friend who told me that she had also considered taking stock of her sex life and desires, but that she had never taken the plunge. me not and it did I feel good.I needed to hear: yes, you did well, it was the most logical thing to do.In the end it saved us, even though it is not classic.Since then we have lived like a new honeymoon. And I know how lucky I am to be in a relationship with him. “
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