Some widows or widowers torn by the pain of loss go through hell because of this pain. Alongside crises of insomnia, some have sunk into alcoholism, with others refusing to remarry. Incident in the hell of widows / widowers.
Sophie * s room radiates a sense of discomfort that forces you to pay attention to your words, your movements, your appearance. The problem is not the huge wooden bed where a pile of laundry is waiting to be folded. It’s not the big closet that fills an entire wall. The problem is that all this furniture seems too bulky and numerous for such a small space of almost 15 m². Sophie, who has just lost her husband, is struggling to recover from her grief and her new status as a widow. A period of her life that she thinks she lived well. Yet one still feels the trauma in the way his mind no longer plays its role as a filter. When Sophie in her sixties is asked about the details of her widowhood, she never stops commenting and drowning in her stream of words. The retired official needs to empty himself, to heal from his trauma. After more than 40 years of living together, her husband left her for her Creator last December. “It was a very delicate moment to rule. He was not ill and suddenly left after an illness,” begins Sophie. , but above all to great loneliness during meals, prayers and sometimes. in front of the television. “These were highlights of married life.”
Sophie lives a recluse in her small bedroom, which seems so big to her since her husband’s death. In his concession located in the Keur Serigne Louga district, his task, as almost every morning, is to look after his room and his grandchildren. She replaces some furniture, folds a few clothes, occasionally watches the TV hanging on the wall while paying attention to the slightest noise. “Since my husband’s death, every sound makes me jump. Every time I hear a noise or cry from the kids, I hurry outside and think they are welcoming their grandfather. They were used to it.” It’s his daily routine. The night is another reality. His nights, marked by chronic insomnia, have become insomnia and so long. “I have a hard time forgetting his smiling face, which is always hidden in glasses. It happens very often that I stay a whole night without sleeping a blink. As soon as I start sleeping, I hear his voice or feel that he is in the room, sitting on the corner of the bed and his hand is resting on my head.I lived more than 40 years with my husband.40 years where the only time he slept away from home was on mission.We were very close. Therefore, I still have a hard time getting used to him when he leaves. On the recommendation of his eldest, however, had asked for help from a psychologist, but eager to keep his memories intact, Sophie refused her support, “for fear that he would give her medicine that would make her forget her dear husband “.
“As soon as I start sleeping, I feel like he’s in the room, sitting on the corner of the bed, and his hand resting on my head”
Astou G * goes through an almost similar situation. This young widow in her forties is still traumatized by the death of her husband, killed by accident in 2019 on the way to Saint-Louis. Three long years after this cruel loss that turned her life upside down, the young lady is still inconsolable. As soon as she hears the name of her deceased husband, she goes into a trance. “I understand why some women refuse to remarry after the loss of their husband. To tell the truth, I am definitely a Muslim, but if it was up to me, I would not remarry. But religion has its obligations. with knocking on my door but I turn them all away.After careful consideration I decided to wait until menopause to remarry.I do not want another father for my children.My eldest daughter often teases me by advising me to start my life all over again. I do not mind, but it is impossible for me to forget my husband. At night I sometimes pat her place in bed and find myself with facts. He has come well from the start, I realize that a little more “Every day. I’m struggling. At the moment I’m philosophically living my situation as a widow.”
“Depressed, he attacked a woman he confused with his deceased wife”
Astou saw her widowhood as an ordeal to overcome, a new situation that she had to accept, and in relation to which she reaffirmed her desire to regain the upper hand. B. Cissé, he let himself go to his pain, unable to take up this double challenge: to figure out what to do with his days unstructured by his wife’s disappearance, and to try to give a new meaning to its existence. A desperation that forced him to comfort himself with alcohol and the arms of a prostitute, whom he ended up raping. The latter brought her to the stands for theft and violence and assault, for after satisfying her libido, B. Cissé would have snatched her 15,000 CFA francs before beating her abundantly. Invited to explain himself at the bar about the conditions for which he is accused, B. Cissé, visible in his small shoes, acknowledged the facts. ‘I actually acknowledge the facts for which I am accused. It was me who abused her before I took her money. Only I want to clarify that I acted under the influence of alcohol. That night I had drunk a lot. I had no control over the actions I took. I sank into alcoholism since my wife’s death. Since his disappearance, my life has started to change. I lost almost everything. I even sold my house for small change. However, I earned well because I was an entrepreneur. I have now become a vulgar homeless drunk who squats in the shady circles of the cities of Kébémer and Louga. In addition, my children were picked up by their uncle. I am lost without her. “Although the court remained insensitive to the defendant’s statements, which had nothing to do with the offense in question, part of the public sympathized with the fate of the unfortunate widower. This pathetic story, confirmed by those close to B Cissé, is identical with the story of a Guinean citizen who lived in Louga with his small family. The latter, who was upset about his wife’s death, had become almost depressed. house and assaulted a lady whom he had mistaken for his deceased wife and would at all costs force her to follow him home: “I was looking for you everywhere. Let’s go home, otherwise you must take care of me,” he threatened . Controlled by a couple of big guys, he was handed over to the police. The lid in front of the bar he constantly raised his hand to the sky while constantly shouting his wife’s name.
“I have become another man …”
These two young men mentioned above are not the only widowers traumatized by the death of their wife. MG, a 50-year-old living in Guéoul in the Kébémer department, has also lost his zest for life since his wife’s death in 2019. This father of four, found in a carpentry workshop, is still struggling to mourn his deceased wife. He says: “I lost a loved one. Nothing is harder than the loss of a wife, especially when she leaves children. We are never ready to experience such a tragedy. This is why I became another man. It seems , that my life has no meaning anymore.Really, had it not been for my children who keep me company, even at night, I would have gone mad.I’m still thinking of my deceased wife.We were very close, it is therefore, I live in hell. I often wake up in the middle of the night to pray for her. My brothers advise me to remarry to live a new life, but I know it will be very difficult for me. I really “Concerns about marrying a woman again. It would be a kind of betrayal of his memory.”
“I’m not thinking of remarrying”
The president of the Association of Liberated Soldiers in Senegal, Cheikh Konaté, also president of the “Les Amazones de Louga” club and municipal councilor at Sakal town hall, also continues to mourn the death of his wife, which took place in 2020. call this Widower who has whitened under the harness still remembers his deceased wife. He says his voice filled with grief: “I had a model wife. His qualities were unanimous in my family. In addition, my father thanked her on his hospital bed before he died. His death affected me greatly. She left behind a sick child of four years. At the moment it is only the education of our boy that worries me. Therefore I do not think about remarrying.I am Muslim and I accept this will of God but I want to take time before I establish a relationship “Before she died, she confided in me her last wishes. I will never betray her. We were one and the same person. I am still traumatized by his death. She left her mark on me so much.” So much so that the deceased continues after death to play a role as identity confirmation on the survivor.