Is love a contract like any other?

It’s very simple, I’ve been through it all. Got a ring on Valentine’s Day, had a married lover, been on Tinder, got divorced, ended up in a toxic relationship, been ‘good’ in a relationship and I fell in love with a girl. ALL! Despite this, I decided to work on love as a subject, just to decant it all. And I learned:

Small one: Love is not equal. Women and men do not have the same relationship to love. It is not me who says it, it is literature: everything that is of the order of emotions is more compatible with the social construction of femininity. Love takes up more space in women’s lives, with sometimes heavy consequences.

Little two: Love is a substance. Love and affective addiction are often confused and confusing. It’s not me who says it, it’s science: the same neural circuits and the same hormones are involved in love and addiction. Usually, scientists say, it is a significant process of attachment.

Small tree: Our relationship is governed by social conventions, tacit contracts in a way. It’s not me who says it, it’s sociology. For example, it is most often accepted that a relationship is monogamous, that it involves sexuality and romantic feelings.

Still, a contract kills love (like addiction and inequality, I’m sorry to break the mood). But as the sage says, it is better to light a candle than to stay in the dark.

Jeanne Spaeter’s artistic and loving performance

Jeanne Spaeter, Swiss artist, sheds some light on this topic. Jeanne is a performer and works between Bern and Paris. His projects explore the boundaries between the private and the artistic, between reality and fiction. And the least we can say is that she is personally involved in her research. His latest artistic performance titled “Relation Amoureuse de Qualité” proposes to question the unspoken rules of love through a project as rich as it is provocative.

After a market research, in January 2021, she got a relationship with Mike, an unknown, for a period of one year. The two partners are connected by a contractual romantic relationship, where they both keep a diary and the Instagram account @ relation_amoureuse_de_qualité. The 14 clauses of the quality relationship contract regulate in particular the contact hours, the use of nicknames, sexuality and the expression of emotions. And this is how Jeanne tells us about her last Valentine’s Day:

“February 14, 2021 ….”

“I organized a treasure hunt for my boyfriend. Clues in the form of songs lead him to me. I suggest he record our engagement as a couple with a tattoo. I choose the word “Schatz” (my nickname for him), he chooses the word “love”.

He makes me close my eyes and places candles in the room. He bought some red wine and made sure to arrange small cheese cubes on a silver platter. It’s his turn to give me his gift: a mixtape that he made and from which he composed certain songs. The first is called “Jeanne”. He made a pizza in the shape of a heart, on which slices of peppers form smaller hearts. We perform sex by candlelight. We do not say “I love you” to each other. We have been in a relationship for 37 days and it is only necessary from six months after the signing of the contract.

We spent a regulation Valentine’s Day, according to clause 9.3.2 of the Quality Love Relationship Contract, which stipulates that this is a special moment where each partner is required to prove their love for each other. presence, special attention and / or a surprise event. “

Jeanne and Mike separated in November, thanks to clause 12.1.3, which allows the contract to be terminated before its term. This breakup may be good news for love. The end of this contractual love affair shows one thing: freedom is an essential element of love. It is true that inequalities, contracts and dependence do not seem very compatible with the concept of freedom. But it is about consciousness, which gives us the ability to negotiate norms and roles and renegotiate when necessary. To be, great program, happy.

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