I am not talking here about gigolos, the men who prostitute themselves with older women, to extort money from them, but about men who are really attached to or in love with older women, without any material surplus.
All cultures have introduced an unspoken law: the wife must be younger than the husband! Arguments? The woman’s body and beauty are fragile; they perish much faster than humans.
Before, women still married as children. Fragile bodies, exhausted from housework, pregnancies, abortions … Their bodies were fading prematurely. The life expectancy did not exceed 45 years.
Women today live longer, fresher and healthier. Before, a 40-year-old woman had already faded. Today, over 60 years old, she is still attractive. The argument that women age faster than men is being thwarted.
Another argument: the men wanted many children, and as soon as the wife was menopausal, polygamy was justified. The second wife was always much younger than the first. Fantasy about sattachia! A young 16-year-old, with a body barely hatched with erotic promises!
Another belief: the man would have an eternal sexual power, whereas the woman is devoid of any sexual pleasure. But today, women assume their sexuality until old age.
But despite these transformations, societies continue to demand that the wife be younger than the husband. It is normal for an older man to appear with a young girl. It flatters his virility and his ego. But a woman on the arm of a younger man attracts ridicule. Think of the Macron couple and how the press and even women ridiculed him because his wife is 24 years older than him. But Trump, who is 33 years older than his wife, made no mockery!
In Morocco, we are too serious for a society that claims to follow the example of the Prophet, whose first wife, Khadija, exceeded him by 20 years! It is true that the gap between the spouses is getting smaller, but not so much that the wife is older. Unless she’s a rich heir!
These unions are rejected by the men’s families. Jad: “With a 43-year-old, I love a 58-year-old woman. But we can not get married because of social pressure.
These unions attract ridicule. The man is accused of looking for a mouima, a mother.
What is he looking for then?
He is a man who is often more mature than his age. Younger women carried him. Jad: “It should be girls my age tbarhiche (prankness). An older woman is ba’kalha (wise)”.
These women are financially independent and do not seek support. They are single, widowed or divorced, rarely married and are available because their children are independent. The relationship is safe and comfortable. Zaid: “She has her house. I do not have to look for a meeting place”.
They are very caring towards men to please them, also perhaps because they are afraid of losing them.
They mother them. Should we mention Freud and the Oedipal complex?
The relationship is peaceful because without the restrictions of marriage and family life. Fayçal: “I have peace, carefree pleasure. With young girls, there are more limitations and exaggerated material expectations”.
Karim: “With a 38-year-old, I love a 59-year-old woman. Going out with a young person requires time, energy, money to seduce her, take her out, satisfy her gift needs … She can have other partners and give you an illness. She can hope for marriage or give you a pregnancy. ”A more reassuring relationship!
Seduction is appreciated. Zouher: “She waits for you with tenderness, makes herself beautiful, prepares a romantic atmosphere … She is always sexually accessible”.
Men talk about a harmonious sexual relationship because “the woman is mature, she masters her body. She is an expert in satisfying a man”.
These couples avoid showing themselves in public. Nadia: “Everything happens at home because people are cruel. In the restaurant, you have to be accompanied by another person to avoid ridicule or a family scandal ”.
For women, sexual pleasure is not the only motivation. Khadija, 62, widow: “Living alone is depressing. Hard to travel alone, going out at night … Loneliness is cruel. I have worked hard for my family. At my age I need a man, tenderness. But men prefer girls! “
From the age of 60, the number of widows is 10 times greater than that of widowers: women live longer than men, 78.3 against 75 years. Husbands are older than wives and die before them. In addition, a widower remarries quickly because the culture encourages it. Arrajèle tayakhtabe mine al aazayates (the husband chooses his future wife from among the women present at his wife’s funeral).
The man, even very old, needs a wife to take care of him, but also because he can not do without sexual activity. But if a widow, regardless of her age, seeks to remarry, it is a shame, for her motivation is only sexual vices.
So thousands of women end their lives in loneliness and mourn marital tenderness.
And Amal concludes: “Widow, I am 68 years old, I would have liked to have married a man my age to have company. But impossible. I am dating a 52 year old because he is the only one who has loved me, without any interest! No one has the right to judge me ”.