End of year celebrations arrive with their family reunions, which can sometimes be hard to bear. Ceaseless criticism, guilt, silence as punishment, or even control over our life’s most intimate choices … If one of your family members meets these various criteria, it’s not a good sign. This toxicity should be avoided as soon as possible to gain self-esteem and energy. Here are five red flags to become aware of the characteristics of a toxic family.
1 – Hurtful criticism and scorn
Yes some criticism can be benevolent and constructive, some family members, especially parents, may abuse it. It’s pretty easy to recognize offensive and toxic remarks when they repeat themselves and hurt us. For the toxic person, nothing you do is good enough, perfect enough. This translates to sentences like “It’s good, but you could have …”.
This behavior can have a significant impact on its victims. Thinking that we will never make it without any encouragement, self-esteem is deeply affected. And this, regardless of our age. Sometimes this incessant criticism is accompanied by scorn. Repeatedly in the intimate and family circle or in public, these so-called jokes “without bad intentions” can create deep mental wounds.difficult to cure.
“Toxic behavior can manifest itself through sharp remarks about appearance, relationship status, physical or mental health, financial difficulties, or professional career,” therapist Shannon Thomas told Neon.
2 – Permanent fault
The toxic parent repeatedly blaming the other. In the youngest children, this translates into harmless and ordinary sentences at first glance. ” If we work so hard, it’s to put you in a good school … », “if I scolded you it’s because you were naughty …”, “When you do this stupidity, you hurt me a lot …”. Thereby the child grows up with the impression of having to bear the weight of a responsibility it is unable to bear.
This guilt can also last over time. And often, remarks take the form of hurtful generalizations to the other. For the toxic person, it is always the victim’s fault, it is even his personality in general that poses a problem. “It’s your style to forget it, you’ve always been airy”, “You always do, it’s annoying”, “You never tried to do that …”.
3 – Silent or unfair punishments
Toxicity is also revealed through the penalties your family member imposes on you. Yes child, your loved one repeatedly inflicted punishment on you which you think is unfair, this may reflect a harmful relationship. This kind of abuse actually has consequences for the way you built yourself up afterwards. Often, these arbitrary punishments lead to self-sabotaging behavior in adults. The victims end up punishing themselves, convinced that they have not deserved the love of their loved ones.
One of the most disturbing and common forms of punishment in a toxic relationship is silence. If your parent for hours or even days refuses to talk to you about an argument, it is not a good sign. It’s actually onea form of manipulation.
4 – The will to control and impossible goals
In toxic relationships, there is usually one person trying to control the other. The harmful relative assumes that the other always has everything to learn. This control thus takes place over several aspects of life. The toxic person will impose on the other his taste and life choices, such as the practice of such and such a trade, the practice of such and such an instrument or even this kind of teaching on one’s own child. His unsolicited advice can also go too far in the other person’s intimacy.
Thereby, the harmful person always thinks that they know what is best for the other. When you are in a relationship, someone never takes the time to listen to the other person’s wishes, it’s because their bond is not based on trust. So much so that the poisonous relative will ask his victim about the impossible. Toxic parents expect a lot from their children and ask them unattainable, scary goals.
5 – Neglected emotions
Finally, Emotional neglect is a well-known aspect of a toxic relationship. The hurting loved one will not know how to welcome the other person’s feelings. This is felt from childhood, where one e.g. a parent suppresses his child’s feelings. “Were you hurt? You have nothing, do not cry, come now, go back to play!”.
This lack of empathy and listening can be classified as “ordinary educational violence”. And the consequences can be seen in the child’s schoolingon his self-esteem, to more serious effects on his mental and physical health.
Do you recognize any of these signs in your family or circle? Have you been able to improve this toxic side in the other? How? Come and share your experience with our readers on our forum!