Seven qualities that your partner should have at 30

COUPLE – Meeting someone in their thirties – or at dawn of thirty – is a different story than in their twenties. Chances are you’re looking for a more serious relationship, someone to build a future with (or at least thrive with during one of the most critical and meaningful decades of your life).

So what should you look for in the other? Relationship experts share seven qualities that your partner should have before their 30th birthday.

1. Your partner knows each other reasonably well at this stage of their lives.

When you reach your thirties, you need to know yourself well and be objective: You need to know what you are good at professionally or in a relationship, and what you need to work on to become more balanced. If the person you are dating does not show any self-criticism in the thirties, consider it as a red flag, warns Jess Hopkins, a Los Angeles therapist who primarily works with millennials.

“A good party knows both the weaknesses it needs to work on and the natural strengths it needs to harness to reach its full potential,” she adds. “When your partner has good self-awareness in these areas, they are more likely to take responsibility for their lives and do what it takes to do their best.”

2. He has had long-term (or long-term) relationships before.

When they are 30, many people have no illusions about dating apps and are ready to settle down, one way or another. Hopefully the person you are dating has also had a few relationships. If your partner was with someone for a long time in their twenties, there is every reason to believe that they have the necessary stamina that a long-term relationship requires, says Kurt Smith, a therapist who primarily works with men.

“Having experience in the form of a romantic relationship may seem obvious, but it is not always the case,” he develops. “The best person for you will be someone who has had other relationships, learned about them from their exes and understands that you have to make compromises to make a story work.”

3. He proved that he too could be happy alone.

Conversely, look for someone who has been single since high school.

“I regularly advise couples who are suffering from problems such as co-dependence or controlling behavior, which is actually due to the fact that one of the two has never been alone,” he continues. “To be a happy and healthy partner, you have to be good in your shoes, take responsibility, be responsible for yourself.”

4. Talking about sex does not bother him

Obviously, there is nothing wrong with finding a partner who knows all the tricks to get you on your head. But technology is not everything. A long-term satisfying sex life requires you to talk openly and regularly about your sympathies and antipathies (if his foot fetish did not bother you, but it just is not your thing anymore, you should be free to talk to your other half about it).

“In bed, you need to be able to connect physically and emotionally,” says New York-based marriage and family therapist Moshe Ratson. “Communicating openly about your sexuality is a great way to become more intimate and explore your needs, desires and fantasies.”

5. He has a life outside of you

The meaning of a romantic relationship is not that your two lives should interfere so much into each other that you become one. Do not hope to stick to your other half. Aim to have a rich and interesting life on your own, and then find someone whose life is as rich and interesting as yours, recommends Kristin Zeising, a psychologist in San Diego.

“A healthy partner is someone who is able to have their own life, career, friends and interests while maintaining a relationship,” she says. “He wants to take care of you in some ways, but he also takes care of himself.”

In other words, you do not want anyone who is going to sacrifice themselves on behalf of your relationship. “What it takes is someone who knows who he is, who knows his values, and whose life is in line with that,” she concludes.

6. He knows how to manage his finances (or does everything to)

It’s time to tackle a topic that certainly lacks romance: debt is a part of everyday life for many Millennials. According to the study of consumer finances conducted by the US Federal Reserve, people under 35 are on average in debt of 58,120 euros, and those aged 35-44 years to 114,765 euros.

Obviously, you’re having a hard time finding a partner whose finances are in good shape, but you should be able to find someone who is sincerely trying to make a difference, says Kurt Smith.

“Despite past mistakes or current financial difficulties, you would do well to seek out a partner who admits to having money problems, whether it’s their student loan or job insecurity,” he advises. “The absence of denial about it is not only a proof of financial responsibility, but also of maturity. Our economy does not have to be completely in order by the 30s, but it is up to us to be ready to take our responsibility.”

In the end, you want someone who is as enthusiastic about the big life plans you have together (eg buying a house within ten years) as you are over the small ones, no less exciting (an excursion every time ) both or a taco and cheese tasting weekend with friends).

“If your partner does not get off the couch, if they have no hobbies or passions, the negative energy becomes contagious and creates a ripple effect in your life,” says Jess Hopkins. “On the other hand, when your partner is committed and enjoys life to the fullest, they are more likely to try new things, look for opportunities to improve, and honestly have a lot more fun. Commitment is the key to a tight, passionate and exciting relationship. “

This article, originally published on the American HuffPost, was translated by Laure Motet into Fast for Word.

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