What the kiss says about your couple

The first kiss with Chouchou or Loulou, we remember, yes. But the second, then the third? Slightly smaller. Until it becomes part of the daily landscape and becomes a reflex, an automatism, of course still sweet, but barely noticeable. During this time, we ensure the quality of relationships in bed, access to pleasure, equality before both parties orgasm, as if sex was the only body-to-body to be pampered and the keystone in the couple’s satisfaction.

“It’s true that kissing is ultimately almost a bit taboo in stable relationships,” notes Romy Siegrist, sex therapist at SexopraxiS. It’s something couples do not talk much about, they rarely question the degree of satisfaction, it gives them, and the role it plays. Kissing when we are together is just taken for granted. ”

highway for fun

However, kissing discreetly has a huge place in a duo’s alchemy. “It’s ultimately a more intimate experience than the penetration itself,” Romy Siegrist argues.

“It’s a way of making love in itself, it already loves. If we can notice that the sexual manuscripts of heterosexual couples often give less importance to the kiss in men who are supposed to be more genital, kissing remains an experience of great intensity for all lovers, a gesture that may even have something mysterious in moments of eroticism. . ”

And the sexologist recalls that languorous kisses, on the mouth or on other areas of the body, neck, breast or abdomen for example, help to release during intercourse and facilitate orgasm by bringing relaxation to the groin.

Guaranteed no lie

In addition to its function as a trigger or expression of excitement, as a libido booster, kissing also offers an instant dive behind the scenes of the couple and auscultates some of its hidden dynamics the moment the lips touch. It is not for nothing that the scientific literature speaks of the kiss as a barometer for the couple.

“Why do we tend to close our eyes when we kiss? Because we are fully in the blanket,” explains Marie-Hélène Stauffacher, psychotherapist and sexologist in Geneva. It is a real connection with the other. The kiss is mirrored, how me and my partner feel.It means exchange, the frontality of emotions.It’s impressive how much he can carry messages.You can not lie with a kiss, while the more genital body-to-body is not necessarily a vector of such an emotional charge as you can find a tiredness in loving and finding there in spite of everything, having fun together without revealing much things about yourself. ”

In harmony … or not

This is probably why the kiss is often invested with a function of demonstration of attachment and security. Do you still love me, and as much as before? Do you want me as much as I want you? Am I the only one in your life? So many classic questions that recur over the course of a couple that lips often start incognito inviting to kiss, this lover’s instinctive language.

This will actually “say something about the emotional state of the person kissing, about his state of mind at the moment, especially about his desire and his excitement”, notes Romy Siegrist, who speaks of the kiss as “a dance with the other”. If the partner is no longer in the rhythm, he lacks enthusiasm or involvement, it is because, somewhere he is also a little somewhere else.

Mechanical kiss

“The kiss is above all the other’s taste, to know where we are in the other’s desire, we unconsciously discover if something is wrong”, emphasizes Marie-Hélène Stauffacher. It remains to know what, and therein lies the difficulty of interpreting the kiss, this obvious but complex communication to verbalize because no one yet has the software to analyze it.

“A small smell of the other, which we consider to be quick before parting in the morning, can be a little hello, a little caress full of tenderness,” states the Geneva sexologist, but if done quickly, without thinking too much, can it also say. I’m with you, but it’s not that important anymore, I’m with you, but now I’m moving on to more interesting things. Habits, rituals are important in a couple, but it does not have to be a symptom of boredom, which is one of the duos’ worst enemies.

The kiss reveals things that have not been said about the relationship between two partners and acts as a strong bond … but they still have to kiss each other. “Over time, some people relax a bit in terms of hygiene and tend to brush their teeth less, especially men, as shown by a US study,” says Romy Siegrist. This is one of the worst enemies of the kiss and can end up being a real love killer. Especially if the level of tolerance to odor in the partner over time is no longer as in the beginning, where we ignore the errors.

magnetic bodies

Of course, kissing develops over time, the researchers point out. Torrid, frequently during the first few months, becomes more normative over the years “and generally proves to be less intense and deep in perennial lovers, except perhaps during intercourse,” points out Romy Siegrist. A natural development which has nothing catastrophic in the eyes of psychologists.

“But I think greed in the way of kissing the other, at least at certain times, remains the hallmark of happy couples,” says Marie-Hélène Stauffacher. This is drawn to a complete couple who are not just parents or friendly, but who are also still welded together by the carnal bond. The kiss between lovers often has a magnetic dimension, it is marked by the other’s global envy, body and soul.

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