10 clues to recognize a toxic relationship

Which toxic behavior is likely to do the most harm? Below, specialists in a couple’s life give us 10 habits that they often see in the heart of the most unhealthy conditions.

Partners partner spend their time criticizing each other

“In a toxic relationship, tension and criticism are always present. Partners feel that they can never do enough to satisfy the other. To protect themselves from criticism, they must go on eggshells. Is a behavior that they have inherited from their “families. When we were raised by parents who spent their time criticizing each other as we spent our childhood observing them, criticism becomes a different nature. This environment establishes toxic patterns that repeat themselves in the next generation.” – Bonnie Ray Kennan, psychotherapist in Torrance, California.

2. They do not have their own identity

“Not having your own hobbies, interests or opinions is symptomatic of a relationship that is too close. This type of couple is often plagued by doubts, and any idea of ​​separation (even a healthy one) will be considered a threat. For relieves this anxiety, the couple merges more.This situation can lead to real drama in the relationship in case of disagreements.The simple desire to spend time with colleagues after leaving the office can become a source of conflict.We also recognize here the signs of a violent relationship or a manipulative partner. ” – Amy Kipp, couple and family therapist in San Antonio, Texas.

3. They have very few friends outside the couple

“Partners in a toxic relationship often have to hide certain aspects of their relationship from their loved ones. This makes it harder to see their friends. Possessive and jealous individuals are often very critical of their partner’s friends and dislike him or her spending time with. them.” – Marie Land, a psychologist in Washington.

4. They raise barriers

“Avoiding communication and bonding with your partner can be a particularly dangerous habit that will lead to a sense of isolation and loneliness. Communication must go both ways: You can quickly fall into an interruption mechanism that nurtures both parties’ neglected or evasive behavior. It is not easy to reveal your vulnerability when the other is not receptive, just as it is difficult to show compassion when he or she does not communicate about your feelings. ” – Alicia H. Clark, psychologist in Washington.

5. They cultivate an attitude of permanent resistance

“When we seek to determine what is wrong in each one instead of finding a solution (or even hearing the other’s point of view), it is very complicated to resolve a conflict. Every disagreement is” adds to the previous one and increases the chances of starting a new match. When you feel that you are not on the same page anymore, it affects all aspects of the relationship. “- Amy Kipp.

Uncertainty about their place in the couple is a source of anxiety

“People who are very emotionally addicted are more likely to go into a toxic relationship. Such a person will worry about whether their partner loves them or whether they will leave them. This is very fertile ground for trust or jealousy problems. “and arguments that follow. Those who harbor such concerns tend to stay in these unhealthy conditions, thus exacerbating their problems by clinging to each other and demanding too much attention.” – Mary Land.

7. They do not support each other

“If you form a couple, it is, among other things, to make life a little more comfortable. It is good to be able to count on someone in the event of a hard blow. But it is also during these periods that difficulties put the relationship to the test. to support the other at the right time, we strengthen the couple’s bond. In toxic relationships, on the contrary, the partners do not support each other. They do not intervene to help each other when needed. It results in a marriage. culture of disappointment, loneliness end bitterness. Each protects himself to avoid being disappointed again. In the end, one and the other stop hoping. ” – Bonnie Ray Kennan.

8. A partner lacks trust (or both)

“Many balanced people end up in toxic relationships. When a person feels disrespectful, their self-esteem gets a blow and they can end up finding themselves in more than they should. If they lack confidence from the start, she will be even more vulnerable and will find it even harder to admit that she deserves better than an overly critical partner. ” – Mary Land.

9. They try to control each other

“Couples where partners try to exercise control over each other form unhappy and toxic relationships. The point of being an adult is to have the freedom to behave as one wishes. In a relationship, the partners must be able to trust the healthy sense of the other.When they do not have this security (and even sometimes when they have), spouses can use considerable force to control their partner’s behavior. interact and negotiate. ” – Bonnie Ray Kennan.

10. They put the blame on the other

“When conflicts always start from a guilt in your partner, you can feel frustrated or trapped. When the responsibility for the problems is not shared and your partner is always to blame, it necessarily creates anger. Waiting for their partner changes “And criticizing them for not doing it fast enough is toxic. If you think your problems are coming from your partner, then your relationship is on the wrong track.” – Alicia H. Clark.

This article, originally published on the American HuffPost, was translated by Laurane Tesson into Fast For Word.

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