When Beck meets Joe for the first time, she takes him as a sweet guy, a nice bookstore with no history. She is so miles away from imagining that he is a psychopath, a manipulator and a narcissistic pervert. She only discovers it much later …
This is the strength of the manipulators, they are able to make you believe you are living one idyllic romantic relationship when she is toxic.
Jaime Vinck, a psychotherapist in a treatment center for mental health problems, warns of the various signs of obsession with love.
The signs of a partner in full love obsession
- Your partner is very attached to you from the start
“The earlier he gets carried away, the more he talks about marriage, about children, when the relationship has just started, the more one has to be on guard,” Jaime Vinck notes.
He wants to know everything about you, he sprinkles you with gifts, he knows your schedule by heart … What you take for flattery is actually obsession.
IN healthy relationship and fulfilled, everyone must discover themselves at their own pace, little by little. The goal is not to keep a notebook with the other person’s smallest facts and gestures. If you come across this notebook, run away!
- He seeks to save you at all costs
From the beginning he put himself in the role of the Savior, he will convince you that you are about to lose your footing and that he is there for you.
He will therefore constantly try to know how you are feeling and prove to you how much you need him.
Some phrases like “But can not you see how much I love you?” or “You do not understand how lucky you are to have me!”, are typical of someone in the middle love obsessionexplains Jaime Vinck.
Two phrases that Joe keeps repeating for Beck, especially when she doubts herself.
- He’s trying to influence you
It manipulates you in all aspects of your life: the people you hang out with, the decisions you make, how you feel …
It does so gradually and insidiously. Have you planned a brunch with friends? He will start by telling you about the bad weather, the fact that they always arrive late, that the restaurant is not great.
Until you decide to cancel, you feel that the decision is yours.
- He makes you doubt yourself
He launches small remarks about your physicality, your shortcomings in one area or another, your literary taste … But always on the tone of humor.
If you react badly, he replies that you have no second degree and that you are not able to laugh at yourself.
“It is a manipulative technique so you lose confidence in yourself and that you become more and more dependent on him ”, analyzes Jaime Vinck.
Is he a manipulator, a narcissistic pervert or a psychopath?
- He always blames others
As soon as his true personality emerges, he put the blame on others : his ex, his parents, the hardships of life he had to endure. He does it to justify his excessive anger, his irritability, his bad faith …
You feel so sorry for him and you want to protect him. You forget all his deviations and you forgive him every time.
- He constantly stalks you and he knows when to deviate from your routine.
Even if he did not steal your cell phone like Joe, your partner is watching you. He knows your code and when he gets the chance mess through your phone.
He looks at your schedule, your last text messages, the list of your calls … If you change your plans, he immediately becomes suspicious because he knows it’s not what you had planned.
- He contacts you several times a day
He calls you, sends you text messages, an email, likes your Instagram photos. He is always present in one way or another. He wants to know what you are doing and with whom. Of course, he remains discreet and pretends to be one considerate boyfriend.
“Often they are very jealous of your other relationships. Very quickly they can accuse you of flirting, of cheating. This is where they try to sabotage your friendships and family, ”explains Jaime Vinck.
- He invites himself everywhere and follows you
You meet him all the time and everywhere. Obvious when you know he knows your habits by heart. He always finds a good excuse to explain the reason for his presence.
In fact, since he does not trust you, he wants to be sure of what you are doing. “Often these people have experienced one difficult childhoodso they are very unstable and you could be in danger ”, warns Jaime Vinck.
If you notice more of these signs in your partner, confide in those around you and try to take stock of your relationship.
- How to recognize a narcissistic pervert?
- How to get out of the clutches of a manipulator?