The negating, flirtatious technique that changes self-confidence

Have you ever had to deal with someone who tried to flirt with you … while making fun of you? This confusing behavior is known as “negging”, and oddly enough, it is often used as a form of flirting. If it often goes unnoticed, this technique is off emotional manipulation can undermine long-term self-esteem.

What is negging, a harmful love trend?

Neggingen denotes one flirting technique which consists in devaluing a woman to make her more open to romantic approaches. Needless to say, this is a very unhealthy behavior that can have serious consequences if you fall victim to it. However, it is not always easy to spot because the adherents of these toxic practices often hide the insults during flirtatious teasing.

“The negging” is an overt compliment that contains a covert insult aimed at undermining a person’s self-confidence, “dating expert Alex Mellor-Brook said in an interview with The independent. For example: “You’re really super smart for a blonde” or “You would be hot if you lost a few pounds”. It can cause all sorts of long term problems, from lowselfworth and from inferiority complex to mental problems such as anxiety and depression.

Neglecting, a misogynistic love behavior?

The result of a toxic masculinity, this phenomenon would relate more to the heterosexual relationship. Adherents of negging assume that women are not worthy of respect, and devalue them by positioning themselves as “saviors”. Moreover, the term “negging” appeared for the first time in the world of “pickup artists”, a group of misogynistic and violent masculinists who attack women and seek to multiply the conquests. Nothing to do with one seduction games a little teasing.

Today, however, we are talking about negging for any kind of relationship (friendly, professional, etc.), where one of the parties tries to undermine the other in order to establish a form of dominance and boost his own ego. People who put others down are often the ones who lack self-confidence. For example, they may suffer from a savior syndrome or affective addiction and then consider this practice the only way to seduce.

Negging: the signs to recognize

The negging is sneaky and can show up in various forms, which sometimes makes it hard to spot.

“You’re very interesting. I did not expect it”, “I do not usually like redheads, but with you I make an exception” … Halftone compliments that make you feel good for a few seconds, so doubt yourself. A true compliment brings a positive feeling. If you feel a sense of discomfort, it is not.

  • Comparisons with others

“You’re almost as funny as my ex”, “You live well, not as well as me, but it’s cool!”. Whether the statement is true or not, it is a trick to point out your mistakes and make you feel “inferior”.

  • Insults disguised as constructive criticism

“You know you would really be better off if you lost 5 kilos”, “You should avoid streaks, it tends to make you fat” … There is generally nothing constructive in their criticism. They are meant to hurt, not help.

If you feel you are negligent, try confronting the person and telling them that you do not like their way of expressing themselves. It’s not your job to change someone’s behavior, but you can tell them that what they’re doing is not okay. If she seems insensitive to your remarks, or if you fear being in a toxic romantic relationship, it is best to distance yourself or cut the ties.

Spending time with someone who puts you down to feel good and ignores your feelings does not bode well for a long-term relationship.

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