What is “roaching”, a toxic amorous tendency to flee?


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Also called “cockroach technique”, roaching immediately announces the color. This new toxic love trend flirts with infidelity … We tell you all about this dishonest behavior.

According to a 2019 survey by Ifop, 45% of French men and 37% of French women admit that they have been unfaithful to their partner. And it is not the supporters of roaching who will confirm the opposite. They seduce you and start a relationship with you, not to mention that they are sleeping with other people next door. Between sincerity and deception, the cockroach technique is the best way to stain the beginning of a relationship.

What is roaming?

Roaching is a new manipulation technique that destroys romantic relationships, sometimes before they even begin. This term actually comes from “cockroach”, which means cockroach. This new love trend refers to people starting a game of seduction or a relationship with someone, and hiding the fact that they have other conquests in parallel.

It was the AskMen coaching site that first brought roaching to light. This amorous behavior has spread a lot with the advent of social networks and dating sites. Very often, roaching occurs at the beginning of the relationship when you are still in the seduction phase and at the beginning of your story. This is what makes it even more sneaky and hard to spot. The “roacher” tricks you into believing that he or she only sees you while hanging out with other people at the same time. Hence the name “cockroach technique”: When you see one, you know that many others are hiding. In this case, you may have only seen this person, but their hurtful behavior hid a number of other infatuations, dates, flirtations and possibly even relationships from you. Even worse, he or she may blame you by turning the situation to their advantage: “But we never said our relationship was exclusive!” or “You could go elsewhere too”.

A trend that amplifies the stigma on polyamory

People who practice roaching are playing on the flaws in the new codes for dating and take advantage of the fact that you have not had a conversation about defining the relationship. But that’s not all. Some “roachers” invoke polyamory to justify their behavior. Therefore, remember that polyamori is a lifestyle based on open and honest communication between partners, and not a cover to be used in case of infidelity. For Stef, a polyamorous person, interviewed by the Askmen site, the claim of polyamori of these bad intentions undermine the hard work of people who try to enlighten about this lifestyle, hurt others and further stigmatize an already misunderstood and often unrespected society. Same observation for Vanessa, who confides: “Many men seem to adopt the language of polyamoria to justify their cheating behaviors as ‘awake’ and ‘enlightened’.” While the importance of learning about polyamory cannot be overemphasized, it is also worth pointing out that not all people who roach are dishonest and manipulative. It may be a desire not to hurt or lack of understanding. If you’re looking for a serious relationship based on stability, say so from the very first date to make things clear and avoid wasting your time. The most important thing, over and over again, is communication.

What is “stashing”, an unhealthy trend that breaks couples up?

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Marion is a lifestyle journalist and writes on topics related to psychology, love and sexuality from a societal angle. From sexuality to new love codes, she deciphers …

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