are you a victim of “stonewalling” and how do you get out of it?

In a relationship, quarrels occur more often than you would like to think. Moreover, some studies even claim that in some cases it can be positive. So you’re in the middle of a quarrel, for whatever reason, and now your partner stop answering you completely. They do not take a break for a few minutes to regain their senses, calm down, think their words … No no, he does not answer you anymore, no longer looks at you, completely ignores you. Have you ever experienced this situation? It is a toxic habit, by name “stone wall” and it can lead to divorce.

Toxic relationship: what is stonewalling?

that “stone wall”, which in English means “stone wall”, is to block and avoid engaging in conversation, problem solving or collaboration, by building a stone wall. Since then, the person remains silent, while you, you become more and more exaggerated because you do not feel heard and respected. one who practices stone wallcan also put all the blame on you, complaining that you do “a mountain of almost nothing”.

Stonewalling, one of the main causes of divorce in couples

Talking to a wall never made anyone happy. So according to Dr. John Gottman from Gottman Institutethat stone wall is a top four divorce preacher, along with criticism, contempt and defense. He explains “Stonewalling occurs when the listener withdraws from the interaction, stops and simply stops responding to their partner.” He keeps on ” Instead of confront the problems together with their partner, people may engage in evasive maneuvers such as turning away, behaving in a busy manner, or engaging in obsessive or distracting behavior. “.

Men cultivate stone masonry more than women

The research of Dr. John Gottman claim it 85% of stone masons are men. In fact, the latter would be physiologically more reactive to emotional stimulation. This therefore means that they are easily overwhelmed in an argument. In fact, heart rate and blood pressure are more likely to rise than in a woman. This therefore makes them more prone to the stone wall. But some women also practice this toxic habit. To find out if this phenomenon is happening in your relationship, study your partner’s behavior.

Stonewalling: the signs that can warn you

Your partner ignores you when you talk.

Your partner is suddenly busy with something else every time you want to talk seriously.

Your partner refuses to make eye contact with you.

Your partner rolls his eyes.

Your partner talks very little, and when they do, it’s usually to defend themselves and blame you.

Your partner rejects your concerns without listening to them.

Your partner laughs at your worries.

Your partner is cold and impenetrable.

Your partner mumbles or responds in single syllables.

Your partner escapes from the conversation when they leave the room, and leave the room.

Your partner turns or walks away.

Stone wall can be a coping mechanism. The person who is unable to express himself or present his feelings prefers to disappear emotionally when they are not comfortable. However, it can also be suggests abusive handling. This technique of avoidance allows the person practicing the stone wall not to deal with the problems, he then uses this technique selfishly to block the way of a potential discussion. Thus, you can experience a feeling of abandonment, of punishment, of no longer feeling loved … If your partner practices stone wall, discuss it with him so he understands that it is not normal and that it hurts you. If they do not change despite discussions on the subject, you may be in a toxic relationship. If you feel trapped in a violent romantic relationship, or if you are in doubt or feeling uncomfortable, do not hesitate to call 3919.


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