No, a breakup is not necessarily synonymous with failure.

“It was my idea to burn my wedding dress. And it was fantastic. ” Two weeks after her divorce from her proven husband for infidelity was officially declared, Marie-Renée is struggling to hide her excitement.

To celebrate the event, this American was interviewed by The cut tells in detail about the ins and outs of her “divorce party”, which the women’s magazine considers the new “bachelorette party”.

“She placed the dress on top of the grill, with a hot dog representing her ex on top,” clarifies the organizer of the party, and also mentions darts with the image of the said man’s mistress. If the concept is enigmatic, it is nevertheless enjoying exponential popularity in the country with all companies.

According to Christine Gallagher, “divorce party planner”, the number of requests has almost tripled in twenty years: she now organizes three separation parties a month at rates of up to $ 20,000 per night.

While the number of marriages continues to decline (-5,000 in France between 2017 and 2016 according to INSEE), and divorces continue to rise (+4,400 between 2016 and 2015, still according to INSEE), there are none. It is not unreasonable to imagine the impending arrival of its crazy parties in our regions, who are particularly pleased with these concepts made in the USAlike the EAFRD and others baby shower stereotype.

The breakup, a failure socially stigmatizing

“It marks a change in society’s acceptance of divorce. It’s not like the days when divorce was shameful and you stopped being invited to your married friends’ dinner parties. “

Leave the heartbreaking divorce with big reinforcements of legal battles or the tear-jerking breakup like Bridget Jones, based on Chardonnay and Céline Dion: the 2022-style love separation is meant to be positive and joyfulon the antipodes of a socially constructed paradigm that tends to consider it a bitter and stigmatizing failure.

“Just the terminology is biased: we say that a relationship is ‘broken’, that it is ‘ended’, that we have ‘broken’: it is negative and makes you feel guilty”, emphasizes on Refinery29 clinical psychologist Linda Blair, while recalling the imperative of the perfection of modern society that leads to making success the cardinal value of our development, even our identity.

A life lesson like any other

“We tend to identify with our failures, to essential them, to confuse having failed and to be a failure,” points out philosopher and novelist Charles Pépin in his weekly podcast.

results? More than just a setback, the breakup so often turns into dizzying curiosity, mixture of rent losses and revived narcissistic flaws. However, according to the book’s author The virtues of error (Allary, 2016), the latter can, on the contrary, be an opportunity to move forward faster, confirm one’s character, experience reality, or simply be a valuable source of teaching.

“A breakup is not a failure: you learned that something was not right for you, not right for the other or for both. And then few relationships last forever!”, Abounds Dr. Blair, the psychologist who begs for one rehabilitation of the break as a life lesson that it is possible to take advantage of.

Instead of seeing it as the end of something, we prefer to see it as the beginning of a new chapter in our relationship.

That, for example, is what Julie *, 26, recently learned, just separated from her peer. “My best friend became my girlfriend … who is now my ex,” the young woman sums up. “Instead of seeing it as the end of something, we prefer to see it as the beginning of a new chapter in our relationship.”

After a period of physical and emotional separation, the two twenty-somethings did not hesitate to see each other again and learn to reconnect with each other, together and separately. Or when the end of a relationship sounds the beginning of a new one, with the other … or simply with oneself.

A feminist act of love

For Marion, 36, her breakup was an opportunity to put an end to a romantic relationship with toxic overtones, but above all, as Simone de Beauvoir said,take on the great adventure of being oneself.

“My shrink told me she felt much happier since my breakup and a friend told me I had been beaming since I was single. They are right, I get up every morning with a smile and a sense of euphoria and alignment that does not leave me, ”admits one who describes his breakup as a major feminist momentum.

“Being in line with your beliefs is an ultra-powerful feeling that makes you grow wings.” A feeling is shared by Kelli Maria Korducki, author of The astonishing feminist story of the breakupe (Ed. Merchant of leaves, 2020).

All the women I interviewed admit that they have learned something positive from their breakup. (…) They all use the vocabulary of liberation.

In his book, the New York-based journalist explains how The decision to break up is for a woman a radical, almost revolutionary act, among other things, because of the eternal societal injunction to form (and remain) in a relationship, exalted to the ideal of the highest life.

A committed discourse which, despite its militant nature, is part of a proven reality that some sociologists have been able to observe on a large scale.

This is the case with François de Singly, who already mentioned in one of our interviews the individual benefits of a breakup. “All the women I interviewed admit that they have learned something positive from their breakup. (…) They all use the vocabulary of liberation and even experience this change as a ‘rejuvenation’ and a resumption of control over their lives”, he describes.

What less to fear his next break than to wait impatiently.

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